Finally!!!! my first post on the blog;-)

I am watching roadies as write this blog….I have fought with my brother to watch it coz he was more interested in watching the highlights of the India – New Zealand (Sachin was back in form after all). The reason for the fight was partly that I liked ROADIES and partly my foul mood.

I was wondering today afternoon itself - What is it that I like in the show? Would I ever want to be a Roadie? If suppose I want to be, why would it be????I already have the answer…..I am going thru a phase of discovery of one’s own self…..and I believed it was more a psychological thing than philosophical……for me.

I wanted to know myself better. I have very high opinion about myself in certain­­­­­_____ & I am ready to accept my shortcomings too. I want to noe “ Is my high opinion about myself justified??” the other point being that I have to understand my shortcoming…taste it or may be face the fact before I can accept it or think of improvising on it.

In GMCS we had a test of psychology, wherein we had to answer a host of questions which had marks as per the alternative chosen by us. Based on the total of all the marks for all the questions, there were interpretations and that was the only test whose result shocked me I mean kinda unexpected.

It said I could lie easily… I was high on lie quotient…. Believe if you will, I do not lie…I despise lies and liars. The questionnaire was tricky… questions were phrased as to whether a particular situation had happened even once ever , knowingly unknowingly, intentionally unintentionally …… I had interpreted it wrongly…hadn’t faced some of the situations….and in ur imagination u r mostly idealistic rather than realistic. I realised it then. That was the time I questioned myself Can I lie????? Under what circumstances would I lie? I tried not to be realistic. Tried really hard. And after I got my answer I kinda now know why people when gain power and the feeling that there’s no one above them get corrupt…(from Ravana to our today’s politician). I thought I could lie ONLY when NO ONE ever comes to know that I did. God fearing!!!!! Hmmm….. now I know what it means. BUT I very well realise this is NOT possible.. I want to know can I be really very bad…how bad I can be….how low can I go? I feel I am a very IDEAL girl.I don’t want it to be sham. Honestly in short I really want to know how HUMAN I am.

There’s one more belief I have which I want to test. (No its not the existence of the Almighty… I know HE does. ). I always believed that if pushed to the last level infact to rephrase it correctly only when pushed to the last level can I perform. I want to know my limits, my endurance.

And I am going to write about myself but its not because I am self obsessed. Just thought its high time to think about myself. Just venting my pent up ;-)